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What Not To Ask: Mom Of Interracial Children

So in the past, I've spoke about yet another bad experience I’ve had as a mother of interracial children.

So in the past, I've spoke about yet another bad experience I’ve had as a mother of interracial children. I want to start off by saying that I’ve encountered many positives comments and feedback from strangers about our family unit over the years. Still, the ignorance and negativity displayed by people is extremely annoying and needs to be addressed.

For many of you who know me personally, this blog may be your first glimpse of my true feelings on this issue. Many of you have said some of the very statements and questions I will list below. Maybe it will make you think first the next time you are about to say them.

My very first experience with this issue, I was riding a bus, maybe five years ago, on my way to college with my son. An older women sat down next to me and stared for five minutes before asking, "So, are you the nanny?" If you’ve ever done this to someone, repent and cover your mouth the next time the urge to say it occurs. OK, maybe not repent, but definitely cover your mouth. This question might only be OK at a park and even that is a risky undertaking. Just don’t ask it.

Another question that’s a definite pet peeve is: "How does it feel to know none of your children look like you?" (Insert obnoxious smile/laugh). If you ask this question, you are opening yourself up to a quick retort by me along the lines of, "How does it feel to be an ignoramus?" In most cases with interracial children, there will be recognizable features from both parents. However, just like with children from same race parents, sometimes one child looks more like one parent than the other. This is NORMAL. There is no need for you to point that out like it’s an anomaly with interracial parents! Just don’t ask it!

Of course, there is also the safe, "Are those your children?" question. This can generally be quite innocent in nature unless the person has been staring for the past 15 minutes and still refused to use their deductive reasoning skills. For instance, if the mom is wearing a wedding ring, the kids call her mom on numerous occasions, and there is no diaper bag insight, chances are she’s the mom. DUH! I personally rarely use a diaper bag; I own oversized fashion purses to double as one. Most nannies I know always carry a diaper bag while going on trips with their charges. In any case, asking this question can be perceived as rude. Just try to figure it out on your own with your incessant staring and keep it moving.

Finally, my last pet peeve that I absolutely detest is: "What beautiful children. Your son and daughter (baby) has such GOOD hair." First, the term "good hair" is one that I absolutely hate. You will NEVER catch me using it. Please DON’T say it around me or MY children. Secondly, because my middle daughter has more tightly coiled hair does NOT make her or her hair any less beautiful.

If you or someone you know has been the perpetrators of said questions and or statements please pass on this pertinent information. Stop...Think…Cover (your mouths) and Roll (Keep Walking).

Debbs October 04, 2011 at 05:05 AM
Keep your chin up and just love your beautiful children. I have two interracial grandchildren. I love them very, very much. My daughter gets snide remarks and all she can do is love her children and when they get old enough to understand (before school begins for them) that there are just ignorant people in the world.
Anah Abdus-salam October 14, 2011 at 12:58 PM
i also hate that term GOOD HAIR it sounds illiterate and ignorant and i don't tolerate that type of comment around me whether its from family members or otherwise. we should love whatever hair type Allah bless us with and should not some people make us feel inferior

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